Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
