if only i could text you this smell
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize