I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
