Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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