i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
