OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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