why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
