I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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