its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
