When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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