Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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