Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
