oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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