And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
