there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
