that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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