he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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