planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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