remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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