Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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