Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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