never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
