Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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