yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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