yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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