I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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