My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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