Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
