you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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