i think i have herpe
just one?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
