My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
