They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize