you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
