I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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