i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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