My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
