his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
