So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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