I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize