She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
