I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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