Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
vagina is talking i cant
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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