sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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