she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
