I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That accounts for only three of the penises
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
