i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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