took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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