Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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