non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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