I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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