hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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