he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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