Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
