I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
