if you like me you must not know who I am
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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