dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
