My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
