She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
