would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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