dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
