new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
