Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
