cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
