forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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