You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
