We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
