I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
