Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
