I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
