I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
