so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
