He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
