Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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