yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
