1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
