If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
