I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
