You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
