Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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