i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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