I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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