I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
