is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
