I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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