I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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