walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
