i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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