Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize