new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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