the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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