Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
