u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
