I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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