I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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