good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
