Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize