hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Duck Duck Cougar?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
