A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
