I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
