You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
