I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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