Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
