Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
