Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
