You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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