bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
