i just wanna soil my oats bro
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
