that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
