im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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