what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
