i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
