i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
