you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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