He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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