At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
